The Dark Knight Rises...?

Last week, director Christopher Nolan announced that the upcoming third Batman movie would be called The Dark Knight Rises.  Unfortunately, this raised a lot more questions than it answered, such as:

"Who will be the villain?"

"What is the female role Nolan is supposedly casting for?"

"When will Robin make an appearance?"

"What can we expect the movie to contain?"

"Seriously, The Dark Knight Rises??"

Well, I'm going to try and answer as many of these questions as best I can.

It was originally rumored that the villain in the third Batman movie was going to be any combination of The Riddler, Mr. Freeze, The Penguin, Harley Quinn, Catwoman, Killer Croc, Two-Face again or possibly even The Joker.  So far, no villains have been announced, but Nolan has confirmed that neither The Riddler nor Mr. Freeze will be in the film.  Given the fact that there is an open tryout for a lead female role, I assume this will be Catwoman.  However, it could very well be someone like Vicki Vale as another love interest for Batman following the death of Rachel Dawes.

So, if there are no announced villains, who could we reasonably expect to be in the film?

The Penguin would make a good substitute for the Falcone family, already well established in the first film and mentioned in the second.  It would certainly be reasonable to guess that The Penguin's arrival in Gotham could spark a large conflict between himself and the Falcones in Gotham's seedy organized crime ring.  Working through his Iceberg Lounge, The Penguin wouldn't need to be squeezed into the role of a petty crook stealing his way through henchmen salaries; he could create an interesting dynamic between the roughneck Falcones situated in the slum Narrows district, and his upper class nightclub providing a front for his underhanded business dealings.  While he likely wouldn't be the main villain, he would still be interesting.

Also along the lines of the gang warfare, Black Mask would be worthy of the third movie, and several fansites have him as one of the likeliest in the new movie.  Black Mask would also be able to fit the role of Penguin as mentioned above, but as a reference to the two previous movies, he's also crazy and he has a connection to Batman since childhood.  Through his hatred of his parents, fascination with masks, and disfigurement, Black Mask would be a great villain for Batman to face.

The final villain possibility I'm going to discus is Catwoman.  Out of all the speculation of The Dark Knight Rises, Catwoman is the most likely villain in my book.  As stated above, Bruce Wayne/Batman has no love interest at this point, making the position open for Selina Kyle/Catwoman.  The only obstacle I can foresee in this situation is how she would relate to any other Batman villain that would be in this movie.  She always, of course, could be an anti-hero and assist Batman while committing crimes, and I think that would be a refreshing change from only having Batman fighting.  Catwoman also could relate to how the second movie ended, with much of Gotham hating Batman and the police chasing after him.  Being spotted with the thief could raise tension between Commissioner Gordon and Batman, along with giving Batman the aforementioned love interest while adding the scandal of the relationship.

Robin, the Boy Wonder, definitely won't be making an appearance in this or any Nolan Batman movie, stated by both Nolan and Bale that they won't be involved in a movie containing Robin.  Bale just doesn't want him in the movie, I guess, and Nolan agreed, stating Robin would detract from the dark nature of the film.  I disagree, provided that they stretched the boundaries and made Jason Todd be the first Robin.  As ludicrous as this seems, a vengeful Todd going after organized crime by himself would force Batman to step in and show him the ropes while possibly taking him under his wing.  It could also add darkness to the plot if Robin actually killed a suspect while as Robin, making Batman consider once again if what he's doing is worthwhile.  Of course, this wouldn't be very original, as it would be the second movie almost all over again.

Overall, I expect this movie to start with the established conflict of Batman vs. Gotham.  This could evolve as a new threat enters into Gotham and terrorizes the city once again.  This would cause Gordan and Batman to put aside their differences and reforge their connection, allowing the police and Batman to resolve the conflict and the trilogy.  This movie has been speculated as Christopher Nolan's last Batman movie, and we could assume it would be Christian Bale's last as well, due to comments that he made stating he would return as long as Nolan did.  If it is the pair's last contribution to the film series, then we could expect the film to tie up all loose ends and allow another director to take the series in a different direction.

And yes, it is called The Dark Knight Rises.  I thought it was a little too much like the second movie's title, being that 75% of it IS the second movie's title.  I expected it to be more along the lines of The Dark Knight, where the title is another name for Batman.  I guess Nolan didn't like/consider The Caped Crusader or World's Greatest Detective, or, what would be totally awesome, The Goddamn Batman.  Anyway, the movie is set to start filming in April 2011, with a release of July 20, 2012.

Top Five Best and Worst Halo: Reach Weapons!

This installment of Top Ten is a half-n-half, that's right it's the Top Five Best and Top Five Worst Weapons in Halo: Reach!  I'm rating the Top Five Best on how useful, powerful, and downright badass they are.  These are the weapons you want to spring for right away at the start of every match.  For the Top Five Worst, these are the ones you can pretty much forget about using effectively in any gametype, mostly because they're weak, their firing pattern is useless, or because they're ineffective.  Lock 'n load, because this is The Mad Gamer's Top Five Best and Worst Halo: Reach Weapons!

#5. BEST

Fig. 1: M392 Designated Marksman Rifle

DMR

The DMR is basically Reach's Battle Rifle, only 11,000,000x better.  The reason for it being eleven million times better is because an average Joe the player person can actually use the damn thing effectively.  In Halo 3, I had trouble day in and day out playing Slayer BRs with kids because it took only the greatest of Halo players to use the thing well, and when they did, they tore you a new one.  Now, the DMR only fires one (1!) bullet at a time instead of the scattering 3 round burst of the BR, but its firing rate is improved so you can pull off several rounds quickly and still get your headshots.  It's more precise and it packs a greater punch, making it my new favorite gun in Reach.

Fig. 2: H-165 FOM

#5 WORST

TARGET LOCATOR

Yes, this does undeniably kick some serious ass.  You can paint a lot of targets red with blood by just looking at them with this thing, but come on.  These things are extremely rare and on a few occasions I've run into one while playing Firefight.  You can easily score a Killtrocity or higher, depending on how many Covies you can fit into the circle, but using it right away when everybody's going for some big kills, almost makes you look like a douche.  And plus, you can only use it in Campaign and Firefight.  I would LOVE to unleash this bad boy on all of my friends in a sweet Custom Game, but no, I can't.  And THAT is why this is #5 worst.

#4 BEST

NEEDLE RIFLE

Fig. 3: TYPE-31 RIFLE

This weapon makes its debut in Reach.  It's #5 best because of its vast improvements over its Halo 3 counterpart, the Carbine.  It's essentially the Covenant's DMR, but it kicks so much more ass, as do many Covenant weapons.  The Needle Rifle comes standard with bigger mags, a better firing rate, and, the best part, it's basically a Needler too!  That's right, 3 shots into your opponent's unshielded flesh and the rounds burst just like the Needler, making this thing way more deadly than the DMR, basically eliminating the need to line up headshots to be effective.  However, because of its easy firing rate, you can still pull off headshots to pwn some n00bs too.  The only downside is that it takes 6 shots instead of the DMR's 4 to deplete your enemies shields.  But, once those shields drop it's only 3 more shots and the bad guy goes *blam!*

#4 WORST

Fig. 4: Type-52 Special Applications Rifle

FOCUS RIFLE

God, the Focus Rifle.  This is really not the best weapon in the Reach warehouse.  I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a sniper-type weapon like the Beam Rifle was in Halo 3, if it's supposed to be an anti-vehicle weapon like the Spartan Laser, or if it's just for fun like the Sentinel Beam in Halo 3.  The only place where I know it spawns is on Powerhouse, near the cliff, but I can't ever seem to use the damn thing right.  Trying to fry enemies from across the map doesn't work because they run faster than the beam can keep up with them, and it takes forever to drain their shields and eventually kill them.  In the beta, this thing kicked ass!  I could sit on the high roof on Powerhouse and get people coming out of the powerhouse all day because this thing was way more powerful, but it's been seriously dumbed down since then.  I say, stick to the Rockets, Shotgun, Grenade Launcher, or even Gravity Hammer for on Powerhouse.

Fig. 5: M45 Tactical Shotgun

#3 BEST

SHOTGUN

Once again, this is my go-to gun in Reach.    

It's got low accuracy and a low range of fire, but that doesn't matter.  You really need to be up close and personal to use it, and that's how I like it.  It's more powerful than in Halo 3, and if you're behind in a game of Slayer, especially Doubles Arena, you can combo this thing really well with the cloaking or sprint abilities, as you can either sneak up on someone or get right up next to them quickly to kill them efficiently.  The shotgun's awesomeness can be best summed up by a quote by Sarge from Red vs. Blue: "To kill your enemy, you want to look in his eyes so he knows you're the one that beat him to death!"  And with the Shotgun, you can.

Fig. 6: Type-52 Guided Munitions Launcher/Explosive

#3 WORST

PLASMA LAUNCHER

I haven't played too many Big Team or Invasion games to get fully acquainted with this weapon, but from what I've gathered from it is that the best (and possibly only good) use for this weapon is blowing up vehicles.  This thing takes forever to charge up a shot against an enemy, and by the time the enemy is stuck and ready to die, you're already dead.  The overall time from acquiring a human target to eliminating it is far too long in a game of Slayer compared to other weapons that get the same job done.  Yes, it's fun to shoot plasma grenades at people and yes, it's handy that they home in on their targets, but for man-to-man combat you'd be better with just a plasma grenade than trying to warm this guy up.  I only recommend it for vehicles, which is a large crutch in any Halo game.

#2 BEST

Fig. 7: M319 Individual Grenade Launcher

GRENADE LAUNCHER

This weapon right here will drive the bad guys back and will let the multikills come rolling in.  If you've used this and used it well you know what I'm talking about.  This might be one of the more versatile weapons in Reach.  You can either fire a direct grenade shot that will blow groups of enemies down to nothing, or you can hold the trigger and the grenade will remain live until you release the trigger, allowing you to bank it around corners or to use the resulting EMP to disable vehicles!  Yes, you can get serious multikills and then disable vehicles on top of that with this weapon.  In Firefight, this is one of the best weapons to start out with in a regular Firefight game, as you can be standing all the way across the map and clear out dozens of Covies with your long-range capabilities.  This weapon is invaluable and it is always welcome in my arsenal.

Fig. 8: Anti-Vehicle Model 6 Nonlinear Rifle

#2 WORST

SPARTAN LASER

Oh, the Spartan Laser, how far you have fallen.  In Halo 3, this was one of my better weapons, but unfortunately, this suffers from the same crutch as the Focus Rifle now does: it's horribly inaccurate when used by average gamers trying to pick off several infantry.  True, you can get better at it with practice, as I was able to in Halo 3, but at best I could only get maybe one or two kills with this thing before wasting the other three or four shots.  But now, in Reach, there's only four total shots instead of five!  WTF?  What happened to the other shot?  C'mon, Bungie, you can do better than that.  I don't see the point as to why they would take out that last shot...but I digress.  This weapon is best saved for vehicles, but if you can manage to hit infantry with it, well, more power to you...or, actually less, since there's one less shot...oh well.

Fig. 9: M41 SSR MAV/AW

#1 BEST

ROCKETS

This thing is back in Reach, and with a vengeance.  What once was powerful in Halo 3 has become even more so in Reach.  The Rockets have been equipped with an automatic vehicle lock on, perfect for taking down Banshees or Falcons.  It also has faster rockets, meaning they'll get to where you want them to be a lot faster.  The splash damage has also increased, so you can take out more bad guys in a group with one shot than ever before.  The only major downside to this weapon is its reload time and its ammo capabilities;  you only get four shots and it takes almost five seconds to reload the magazine.  Still, the satisfaction that comes from using it never gets old, whether it's jet packing high up on Powerhouse and getting an Extermination thanks to one well placed shot, or it's from taking out 7 (or more) Covies in a game of Rocketfight with one well timed rocket to where they land.  It's still got that appeal and destructive power, and that's what makes it the best weapon in Reach.

Fig. 10: A hand.

#1 WORST

MELEE

This "weapon" has fallen farther since Halo 3 than the Spartan Laser.  The melee in Reach has been dumbed down from an epic punch that could kill to a dinky little move that you can try to do on others.  I guess the problem with the melee could either be blamed on the melee itself or the shields you now possess, as if your enemy still has any bit of shields left on him, it will absorb the melee and you'll have to do it again in order to kill him.  In Halo 3, there was a threshold where if you meleed someone and they had low enough shields, it would kill.  But now, your move in the clutch and last-ditch effort to stay alive is gone if the shields are still up.  So is it the shield's fault or the melee's?  Well, obviously it's the melees, because if it could do it in Halo 3, why can't it do it in Reach?  "Pop the shields, then go for the melee!", they say at Bungie, but if you're in the heat of battle with your back to a wall, and there's a bat-out-of-hell, kamikaze type soldier coming at you with the shotgun and all you have is the assault rifle, the last thing you'll be able to do is back up and try to deplete the rest of his shields before placing your trust in a melee that might not work.  In that situation, the only reasonable response is to shoot as much as you can at him, and then when he's close enough, melee to kill, but unfortunately, in Reach, that won't save you.

How Does Your Halo: Reach Rank Compare?

Yesterday Bungie.net posted its Weekly Update.  It was mostly about how Halo: Reach is going to be updated in the coming weeks, but something interesting caught my eye.  It showed what percentage of players were at a specific rank.  According to Bungie, as of 10/08/10, 70% of players are at Warrant Officer or below, and 1% of players have reached the current level cap set after Lt. Colonel Grade 3. 

Bungie went on to say that the Warrant Officer ranks are some of the slowest so far, with a crazy amount of experience needed to reach the next compared to the previous ranks.  But, fear not, because once you reach the rank of Captain, things speed up again.

For those of you that hit the cap, don't worry:  you won't stop earning credits, your rank just won't increase.  This is all logistical BS for Bungie to take care of before they feel comfortable unlocking the rest of the items and ranks for the public.  BTW, Bungie hasn't announced when that's going to happen.

Below is the chart.  Note that Private A is Private Grade 1 and Warrant Officer B is Warrant Officer Grade 2.

Oh, I think I see you!  Is that you down there at Corporal?!  n00b!

The ranks are divided into the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and Upper Quartile.  As of this writing, I'm just barely below Warrant Officer Grade 3, so I've already broken into the Upper Quartile...God that feels good.  So I want to know, where do you rank?

*UPDATE*

10/15/10 I reached the rank of Captain, thrusting myself into the upper echelon and the top 10% of all Reach players.  Kneel before Zod!

*UPDATE #2*
10/23/10 Reached the rank of Major today.  Time flies when you're awesome.

The Mad Gamer's Top Ten Superhero Movies

In the past decade, there has obviously been a resurgence of the superhero action movie.  Being the awesome superhero fan I am, these movies are some of my favorites of all time, and due to their box office success, they're a lot of other people's favorite movies too.  I'm not sure if it's the action, the story, or the characters that make these movies great, but they always leave a feeling of satisfaction while you watch them.  And so, I'm making a list of my favorites.  These movies are based on their characters, story, and their loyalty to the source material.  This is The Mad Gamer, and THIS is The Mad Gamer's Top Ten Superhero Movies of All Time.

Top Ten Superhero Movies

10. Spider-Man 

"With great power, comes great responsibility."

After the horrible downturn of the mid-90s Batman franchise, the superhero genre had nearly become extinct.  I mean, c'mon, would you want more and more copies of Batman & Robin?  Nobody!  Every previous superhero franchise had bitten the dust in a horrible way, spitting out crappier and crappier movies with every entry.  Enter 2002's Spider-Man, which was one of the most successful movies of the early 00's.  The movie had great characters, a terrific story, and decent casting all around, but what was with the absence of Gwen Stacy until the third film?  She was one of the most influential people of the comic book series, and the entire story of the Green Goblin on the bridge was actually supposed to be Gwen Stacy!...but I digress.  This movie reinvented the superhero film, and if it wasn't for Tobey Maguire's performance, it would definitely be higher on this list.

9. Fantastic Four

"Now picture that...BUT EVERYWHERE."

A lot of people that I talk to about this movie claim it's one of the worst in the Marvel superhero franchise, even worse than Hulk...*shudder*.  People seem to hate it because they think it's ridiculous and "too lighthearted to be an action movie."  Well, there are literally a million reasons why this movie is better than Hulk.  The characters actually look like what they're supposed to, the actors and cast work great, and...Jessica Alba.  Yeah.  Let's see Hulk top that.  Plus, Fantastic Four's story was actually comprehensible, and the final battle was awesome as well as fun.  So, in review, Fantastic Four >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>x10000 Hulk.

8. The Dark Knight

"Why So Serious?"

I know what you're thinking.  "WHAAA--?  Dark Knight at #8??  That movie was the best movie EVAR!"  Hold on.   I love The Dark Knight, and it's one of the best Batman films ever, but it's not really that much of a Batman film...think about it.  Both the origins for the Joker and Two-Face are good, but they're just so different from the source material.  Joker as a scarred make-up artist and Two-Face being burned only on his left half?  Ridiculous!  And the story isn't really a Batman story.  There are so many twists that it feels more like a 2-hour long episode of 24 than Batman.  With Gordon being shot and coming back, everything going on at once and it switching back and forth so often, the whole thing is confusing and drawn out.  Maggie Gynlenhaal also makes a really, really crappy Rachel Dawes, and she never lived up to the Katie Holmes version.  Aaron Eckhart, on the other hand, is an awesome choice for Harvey Dent/Two-Face, but I think a lot of people give too much credit for Heath Ledger's Joker.  Sure, it was his last big role, but c'mon, he only makes like, one joke through the whole thing!  I really only laughed when he had trouble blowing up the hospital (I know, that's terrible, but he made it funny) and and that's why it's #8.

7. Hulk Vs. Wolverine

"Hey, hey, Logan buddy!  It's me, Deadpool!  I shot yooooou..."

This animated direct-to-DVD film was bundled with Hulk Vs. Thor (another good one, but mostly for Thor fans) and released in 2009.  Many of you probably haven't heard of it, but those that do know it's really great.  The film is a great origins story for Wolverine, better than X-Men Origins in that Wolverine's memory is actually erased instead of being 'shot by an adamantium bullet', and it works The Hulk in there really well.  "Why is The Hulk in a Wolverine origins story?"  Well, casual reader, Wolverine actually debuted fighting The Hulk.  The characters are really good, starring not just Wolverine, but Sabretooth, Omega Red, Lady Deathstrike, and Deadpool.  Overall, it's a good Wolverine origins story, and the action is superb.

6. X2: X-Men United

"You are a god among insects, never let anyone tell you different."


Looking over the list of X-Men films released so far, it was basically a choice between a mullet-wearing Sabretooth and Darth Maul-knockoff Toad (X-Men), the ever-cool-ever-badass Nightcrawler (X2), no Cyclops (X-Men 3), and adamantium bullets (X-Men Origins).  So, I went with Nightcrawler.  This movie's got the best lineup of characters, a great plot involving Wolverine, and best of all, no cheesy lines!  I mean, c'mon..

X-Men
Storm: "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?  The same thing that happens to everyone else."


X-Men 3
Magneto: "What-have-I-done?"  Seriously, that's probably the worst acting Sir Ian McKellen's ever done.


And for Origins, the cheesiest line is the line the writers wrote that said that the reason Wolverine lost his memory from an adamantium bullet to the head.  I'm never going to get over that...

5. Iron Man 2

 "Sir!  I am going to have to ask you to exit the doughnut!"

This is obviously the most recent superhero movie on this list.  The action scenes were excellent, and I loved how Justin Hammer was so inept yet so evil, but it's down this low because of Tony's "addiction."  Palladium in Tony's arc reactor leading him down a depression filled, power-misusing path?  What happened to alcohol?  Not "cool" enough?  Tony's always been an alcoholic, and the whole palladium thing ruined it.  I thought at first the movie wasn't going to work without Terrence Howard, but he's really incomparable from Don Cheadle.  They're two different characters, really, but they're playing the same role.  They both fit two different Rhodeys, and it works.  Even Cheadle's first lines as Rhodey fit well: "Yeah, it's me, deal with it, let's move on."  Plus, seeing all his awesome technology at work was enough to get the movie on the list (briefcase suit?  Awesome!), and it was still funny to see Tony try to please Pepper but falling short (strawberry scene!).  Also, what was with Pepper being the CEO?  That was a mistake... 

4. Superman/Batman: Public Enemies

"Why is it that good villains never die?"
-"Clark...what the hell are good villains?"

This is another straight-to-DVD film in 2009, based on the Superman/Batman comic book.  It involves a giant Kryptonite meteor coming to earth, and President Lex Luthor orders a bounty on Superman and Batman.  The story explores the difficulty that Superman and Batman have in working together, as both are a little uneasy with the other, being how different they are.  This movie has some epic fight scenes, great cameos by great actors (John C. McGinley and LeVar Burton, to name a few) and great characters (Captain Marvel?  Shazam!).  The icing on the cake is the voice acting, though.  Kevin Conroy reprises his role of Batman from the Batman and Justice League animated series, Tim Daly plays Superman once again from the Superman animated series, and Clancy Brown voices Lex Luthor, also from the Superman animated series.  For any good fan of both Batman and Superman, it's a great movie.

3. Batman Begins

"Bruce?  You're supposed to be dead!"
-"I'm sorry to disappoint."


Yes.  Batman Begins.  I.  Loved.  This.  Movie.  As a kid, I was a big fan of the Batman animated series of the nineties, as you probably have guessed.  This movie had the action and writing of the animated series, and the plot was very similar to an episode of the animated series (Dreams in Darkness, look it up).  These only add to the great special effects and amazing acting of Liam Neeson as Ra's al Ghul.  The plot also was direct and straightforward, the dialogue was great, and the final confrontation was epic.  Also, the whole villain's evil plot to cripple Gotham was original and interesting.  I'm anxious to see what the third movie will be like.  I'm hoping to see Johnny Depp as The Riddler, hopefully more of the animated series, laid back intelligent Riddler than the Jim Carrey, insane-off-his-ass Riddler.  One can only hope.

2. Iron Man

"You've been called the da Vinci of our time, what do you say to that?"
-"Absolutely ridiculous.  I don't paint."

Kicking off the interwoven universe known as the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Iron Man was the first in a line of movies that all existed in the same Marvel Universe starring the same characters in the same roles.  This movie launched the idea of a more realistic style of superhero movie, with all of Tony's inventions being actually very plausible rather than over-the-top and far-fetched.  The action scenes were awesome, with giant explosions and edge-of-your-seat suspense.  Robert Downey Jr. was born to play Tony Stark, he's the lovable asshole who's got way too much money.  Terrence Howard does a great job of playing Rhodey, although it's a disappointment that he never got a chance to play War Machine, but it's still fun to see how Tony pretty much makes him his bitch.  Gwyneth Paltrow is really only in the movie as Pepper Potts in order to fill the character's role, and she doesn't do much except be a semi-love interest for Tony.  In a short cameo at the end, Samuel L. Jackson comes in to play Nick Fury, starting the whole concept of one universe of Marvel heroes, and building anticipation for 2012's The Avengers.



Finally, #1.



  

1. Green Lantern: First Flight

"And you thought I was green before."

Green Lantern has always been one of my favorite superheroes.  The power to do whatever you can imagine with the use of an all-powerful ring just enthralls me, and this movie really rejuvenated that feeling.  This is an animated, direct-to-DVD film released in 2009, and it really could have been released in theaters, I think.  It stars Christopher Meloni as Hal Jordan, a test pilot who is called to become one of the Green Lanterns, an intergalactic peace corps.  The movie covers all the basics of his origin story: brought up under Sinestro, gaining allies in Kilowaug and Tomar Re, and ultimately saving the entire Green Lantern Corps.  The movie also details Sinestro's defection from the Green Lanterns and his rise to power with his own yellow ring.  The action in this movie is epic.  Truly epic.  The final scenes and the last showdown versus Sinestro really gets you involved and thinking, "What would I do in this situation?"  For any superhero movie fan, it should be a definite watch.

Well, there you have it.  If you didn't agree with some of the placement of my top ten movies, well, then go cry about it.  If you have any suggestions as to what I missed feel free to comment, or to leave your top ten just submit a comment. 

Family Guy Season 9: And Then There Were Fewer

This week marks the return of Family Guy to TV for its ninth season.  Tonight, it premiered with "And Then There Were Fewer", a whodunnit type mystery episode featuring several members from Family Guy history, such as Carl the Mini-Mart worker, Seamus the disfigured pirate man with peg arms and legs, and Jillian and Derek, Brian's former lover and her husband.

The party goers examine a trap door.

This episode got the season off to a promising start.  The premise was that each guest received an invitation to a fancy dinner party held in their honor, only to discover James Woods (his fifth appearance on the show) had invited them, in order to apologize for all the troubles he had caused them.  However, one by one, each party member was being killed off.  The episode introduced two new characters; Stephanie, Quagmire's overweight, unattractive date, and Priscilla, James Woods' Christian girlfriend.  These characters didn't bring much to the episode other than to drive the plot, and when they were finally killed I breathed a sigh of relief.

The episode was based off the Agatha Christie novel And Then There Were None, however, it only borrows the fact that all the guests were invited by an unknown person and start dying off one by one.  I would have liked it to be more accurate to the original story, but that would likely have taken two hours for one episode.  I think it would have worked better to end last season with part 1 and start this season with part 2, following the story more accurately, and be done much like South Park's "Cartman's Mom is (Still) a Dirty Slut", with the first part ending the first season and the second part picking up in season two (although preferably without a Terrance and Philip special).  Only a couple of guests "die" in the episode:  Stephanie, James Woods, Muriel Goldman, Derek, Priscilla, and Diane Simmons, but I'm sure they'll be back in later episodes.

The jokes in this episode were hit-and-miss, much like many of last season (the eighth season) and the seventh season.  There were some good laughs, like Seamus rowing his way to the island with oars for hands and then switching to his normal peg arms, Herbert driving the ice-cream truck he had been inquiring about in "The Perfect Castaway", Stewie wondering if everyone hates him because of the way he dressed (he wore a much more casual outfit because he thought it was a lawn party, hence he has no long pants), Jillian's husband Derek showing Peter the background on his cell phone of him "holding up" the famous Hollywood sign (it was one of those perspective shots, he was much farther away), and Tom Tucker insulting Diane Simmons and saying she was "penis-repellent."

Back when Consuela was funny.

Unfortunately, some of the episode was dry and really kind of a let down.  Once again, Consuela was back in a minor role, which she finds herself in too often.  It was pretty funny at first when she was asking for more lemon Pledge, but now every appearance is just dull and unfunny.  She's become a crutch for the writing staff to use, but it never works anymore.  Peter's reaction to Derek's picture was also drawn out.  It would have been funny if Derek had shown him it and left it at that, but Peter went further by saying he would worship Derek, and then insisting that everyone see this picture.  It started out funny, mainly because Peter was too incompetent to realize the joke, but it got dragged out like so many other jokes in the past season.  The last joke I'm going to complain about is when the group is split up, Derek and Jillian look in the attic, but all they find is a bunch of old stuff and a black cat.  Being the blond she is, Jillian meows at the cat to ask if it's seen Muriel Goldman, but the cat responds in English (voiced by Patrick Stewart), and says it's offensive to talk to him like that, because clearly not all cats talk like that.  He then claims he is a college professor, and that he has papers to correct.  It really wasn't that funny, and I can just see the writing staff cracking up about it.  I suppose if the subject matter was changed, like if they had a normal conversation with the cat (voiced by Patrick Stewart), it would be funny, much like Peter talking to the horse voiced by Gilbert Gottfried in "Boys Do Cry".

Osama bin Laden having fun on the set (PTV).

Again, the episode was funny at many points, but was brought down by poor choices from the writing staff, and some jokes that just fell flat.  The intro, for example, starts off with a nearly three-minute scene of the Griffins just driving to the island, while the credits roll.  It felt like it took forever and was likely some space where the writers could at least have attempted to put some more jokes in.  Watching it with my friends, we all knew then and there that they had nothing to write, so they filled it with this unnecessary driving scene.  It would have worked a lot better if they had done it in a similar way to how they handled the season four episode "PTV".  In it, the writers were short on time (about four minutes I think), so they filled it with Osama bin Laden making an announcement video somewhere in Afghanistan.  The way they made it, however, was hilarious, showing a potential funny side to bin Laden ("He had a note!  He had a note from his doctor, saying 'I can't do a suicide bombing!'  It's a suicide bombing!").  The scene ends with Stewie fighting them much like in "Naked Gun", although I can't remember which one...

This episode left me with an unsatisfied feeling; it was good, but the writers could have done much more.  Maybe instead of just having the lights go out so no one can see the murderer, let's have a very quick Conway Twitty break, or the serious conversation with the Patrick Stewart cat mentioned before.  The best way for it to have been a masterpiece was for all the guests to be murdered, leaving one person still alive who orchestrated the entire event, and then ultimately committing suicide after informing the police, just like the story.  It was a decent episode, but not a strong start to the season.  It wasn't as good as last season's "Road to the Multiverse", and it really should
have been done better.  I give it a 6.5/10 for the jokes and the overall idea, but it really should've been a two-parter.

The Mad Gamer Sounds Off on Street Fighter IV

I would first like to say that I love the Street Fighter franchise.  I have the utmost respect for it, because of it's ability to time and time again produce a fun and, compared to Mortal Kombat, clean game.  I only regret that I was a little late to the Street Fighter party.  I wasn't around to spend nights on end playing tournaments with all my friends, and I wasn't able to experience Street Fighter until I got the Wii.  I bought what I think was the World Championship Edition (there are seriously too many to count) of Street Fighter II on Virtual Console and immediately started playing because to me, Street Fighter was this perfect fighting game that ate up hours of people's time and was a hell of a lot of fun to play.  As a newcomer, I'll admit I had considerable trouble adapting to the controls and such, but by playing through the tournament for about an hour (as Chun-Li, those that guessed correctly get my respect and admiration) I was able to perform combos when I wanted.  Trying to recruit others to play with me, however, was unsuccessful.  Nobody wanted to play an outdated game with confusing controls.  They'd rather play Super Smash Bros. Brawl or Mario Kart Wii since I already had those and they knew how to play them.  I figured, okay, it's not for everybody, maybe if there was a new one it could work.

Enter Street Fighter IV.  By now, I already had a 360 (I bought the Wii about 6 months after launch, in July 2007.  I got my 360 as a gift a year and a half later in December 2008) and a reverence of the Street Fighter franchise.  I thought, "Alright!  A new Street Fighter game for the 360 that I can play with my friends and siblings!  Tight!"  My friends and I had already played Super Smash Bros. forever and my siblings and I used to play Soul Caliber 2 and Naruto: Clash of Ninja 2 and Revolution forever (my sister was a big fan of Naruto, so of course she had to buy the game too.  What I didn't expect was that it would be fun) so I knew they'd be open to a competitive fighting game.

I never actually bought the game until GameStop had a buy-2-get-1-free used sale, so my brother got Forza 3 and Call of Duty 4 while I got Street Fighter IV.  I was instantly excited and started playing through the tournament right away.  Holy hell, was I in for a surprise.  The visuals and characters were all excellent (as I had known, because I like to spend time on Gametrailers.com to hear reviews and watch gameplay footage), but my god were the controls difficult.  I don't know if it was my inexperience or if it was the controller or if it was just plain hard, but I got my ass handed to me in nearly every fight after the first one (I was Abel, those who guessed correctly get more respect and admiration than the first ones).  I spent nearly an hour on E Honda, and he was only the fourth fight.  And mind you, I was on the easiest difficulty.  I'd be able to perform Super Combos, but I'd die before I could use them because he'd always use his throws and regular combos.

 

I was getting pretty pissed by this point because the AI was a cheating bitch who spammed the same move over and over (Sidenote: In any fighting game, it's really cheap to use the same move over and over.  I don't care who you are; learn more moves.  Seriously.).  I felt as crappy as I did whenever people would use the C-stick in Smash Bros. Melee for the GameCube (for those of you unfamiliar with SSB Melee, the C-stick on a GameCube controller would allow the player to use a powerful combo with a direction on the C-stick instead of pushing and holding the buttons for the combo.  Those that did this, I like to call them "C-Stick Bandits", and they are shunned).

Eventually, I made it to the Rival Battle with Guile, which surprisingly was easier than E Honda.  There weren't many problems here, except he used his Super Combo a lot more.  And then, I reached Seth.  Pardon my French, but holy fucking shit.  By this time I was used to the controls and I was, in my opinion, decent.  But my god, Seth was impossible.  Seth was an incredibly overpowered character who had several characteristics of other characters.  Dhalsim's arm-stretching, Zangief's pile-driver, and Chun-Li's spinning upside-down kick.  His Super Combo meter filled faster than any other character, and several times I was defeated by his Super Combo.  He'd spam every powerful move he had over and over without even a second for me to counter or attack.  I tried blocking the entire time, but he'd teleport behind me (he could do that, too), pile-drive me, attack me with the stretchy arm attack to separate some distance, then throw a Hadouken (yeah those too) at me and use Ken's throw to finish me off, all in about 15 seconds.  

 

After an hour of getting my ass kicked, I fought fire with fire.  I spammed Abel's throw move right away, and whenever he'd get up I'd do it again.  I FINALLY won my first round with him, and guess what.  He gets harder.  His attacks come faster, his Super Combos earlier, and he does not stop.  After two hours of being unable to make it past one win, I did the sensible thing.  I quit.  I was the angriest that I've ever been at a video game.  I cursed more than a drunken sailor in a cursing contest.  It was the worst experience I've ever had playing a video game, and I have never been more angry at an AI, which I usually never do, mostly at players online who mod controllers or activate lag switches in order to win.  I was downright furious, and it was the first coming of the Mad Gamer.  After that incident, I put on my Facebook status: 

Seth (n): A character in Street Fighter IV, known for his extreme douche-baggery, his ability to excessively cheat and use all the good moves of all the good characters, and his disregard to be an original and actually fun to play agianst final boss.

*Shameless Plug*:  I regularly watch The Angry Video Game Nerd on Gametrailers.com, and I even considered telling him he should review this game.  I understood what he goes through during most of his reviews of bad video games.  It's an entertaining series, and anyone who tolerates profanity and humor (everyone) should definitely check it out.

One week later, I returned to GameStop, expecting to get at least half of my money back.  I explained to them that I had bought it a week before and that I had played it once, but, alas, two other people had returned it before me, so the demand had seriously diminished.  I returned my $19.99 copy for $4.99, but I really didn't care.  I was just glad I didn't have to play that abomination ever again.

Halo: Reach -- A Work of Art (Review)

If you're like me and you keep up-to-date about the world of video games, you might remember about five months ago when Roger Ebert claimed he didn't view video games as a true art form.  Everything else (films, TV, music, even art) is worth our fine, civilized tastes.  Well, the gaming world went aflame and anyone who heard that went wild, citing examples such as BioShock and God of War III as examples of a true art form.

Well, now it's my turn.  At first, I thought that Red Dead Redemption would be a good example.  It's great eye-candy, it's got a magnificent storyline (as most Rockstar games do), and it's a hell of a lot of fun.  However, it never really connects to what, according to Mr. Ebert, a true art form is.  The action is broken up at times thanks to its non-linear story, some of your tasks and objectives are mundane (I'm looking at you, Nightwatch), and there isn't really a connection with the gamer and the main character.  Yeah, it's sad at the end because you followed John Marston through all these trials, and to see it come to a tragic end after a period of peace is a little heartbreaking, but at no point during the game did I truly connect to Marston.  I controlled him, but I wasn't actually him.

That's where Halo: Reach comes in.  I'll try not to spoil it for those who haven't finished it (which you should, that was the first thing I did), but if you're like me, you knew what was going to happen as soon as, maybe even before you bought the game.

Halo: Reach is set right before Halo: Combat Evolved.  Literally.  The end of this game is the beginning of Halo 1.  In fact, during the last cinematic, you can actually see Master Chief John-117 in his cryo-tube on the Pillar of Autumn.  It's a nice way for Bungie to end their involvement with the Halo franchise (at the time of this writing, I believe 343 Industries and Microsoft are picking up the Halo franchise, and if they plan on continuing it, they would).  It brings everything full-circle, from the Fall of Reach to the Battle for Earth and the end of the Human-Covenant War (I don't count Halo: Wars because it was made by Ensemble).

You start out as a nameless, faceless Spartan named Noble Six.  You've just joined the prestigious Noble Team after the loss of the previous Noble Six.  Noble Team is stationed on Reach, a distant planet much like Earth that is the base of command for the United Nations Space Command (UNSC) and the Office of Naval Intelligence (ONI).  The team is composed of Carter (Noble One), Kat (Two), Emile (Three), Jun (Four), Jorge (Five), and yourself (Six).  If you've seen details of Reach, Carter is the no-nonsense leader, Kat is the tech-savvy chick with a robot arm, Emile is the guy who's got the skull carved into his helmet, Jun is the sniper, and Jorge is the bulky-armored Spartan that carries the turret.  As opposed to Halos 1-3 and ODST, you can change the way you appear in cinematics and in gameplay, using the character you create for online matches.  This is really the first way that you feel more involved, because you're not playing as Master Chief or The Rookie from ODST, you are Noble Six in both the campaign and matchmaking.  The main plot of Halo: Reach is that the Covenant have found Reach and are planning a full-scale invasion.  Your job is to stop the Covenant and drive them back, however, it's not as easy as it looks.  The Covenant have brought out all the big guns, and Reach is going to fall.  The question is when, and how much are they going to take down with Reach.

Every mission plays out much like the Halo formula.  You go from Point A to Point B, shoot some aliens, then from Point B to C, repeat.  However, in this game the battles are much bigger.  Thanks to a new engine that Reach runs on, you can be facing 30+ Covies at any point.  This seems like it's a lot, but thanks to the fact that there are six Spartans instead of one your share of the carnage is broken up a bit.  While you don't always run with everybody, you don't feel like you're taking on the Covenant alone, as opposed to the other games where you were the only super-powered human shooting at them.  As you play, you'll encounter new weapons like the BR-inspired DMR and the Needler/DMR love-child the Needle Rifle.  Along with the new weapons come Armor Abilities, which replace carrying equipment.  At any time, provided the ability has energy to use, you can use a jet pack, go invisible (which also scrambles radar, inconvenient), or drop a bubble shield that also replenishes your health (invaluable, this thing saved my ass more than any other ability).  

During the entire game you keep feeling a sense of disappointment.  After completing about a half-hour mission you seem to get the upper hand on the Covenant, find a weak point in their defenses, or discover a way that can drive them back, at least for now.  However, only moments later, that plan backfires when your big human ship is blasted out of the sky by an even bigger Covenant ship.  It's the story of Reach, and it delivers.  It gets your hopes up, only to have them be crushed.  By the end of the story, you really aren't concerned with saving Reach as much as getting off Reach and letting the Covenant have it.  It's only a matter of what needs to be saved, and how much longer do you have before the entire planet falls.

Thanks to the new engine, Reach's landscapes make Red Dead's look silly.  The vibrant colors and extraordinary details make this debatable as the best-looking game on the 360.  In the distance you can see other battles taking shape, large ships taking off and landing, and up close the grass isn't only animated when you're on top of it (coughHalo3cough).  The voice acting is decent, it's not overly exceptional but it gets the job done.  Everything syncs up and the casting seems right.  Through the visuals, sound, and story, it begs the question, "How isn't this a work of art?  How is this different from a finely crafted film, or a well-written book?"


Of course, I'd be a fool to mention Reach without going into the multiplayer.  Reach retains the standard Slayer and Objective gametypes, while adding Firefight to the multiplayer scene.  A few new additions as well are the Invasion and Headhunter gametypes.  Invasion is a six-on-six Elites vs. Humans Objective game, with either Humans or Elites trying to gain ground on the opposing team.  Headhunter is much like an Oddball game.  Everyone starts with one skull, and by killing another player, you collect their skulls.  You then must deposit skulls at the proper site, which records the score.  It's an interesting game, because you need to strategize when to deposit skulls, because the more skulls you have the more popular you become and you'll find yourself under fire more.  As you level up in the game, you earn credits which go to buying new armor pieces, such as helmets, chestpieces, and shoulders.  It can get a little tedious though, because even though your chestpiece has multiple slots that look like they hold more grenades, you actually don't.  It's merely for cosmetics, and it's not really worth your credits.


The basics are back in multiplayer, however, there are some things missing that really drag down the experience.  You can't simply choose what gametype you want, you have to vote on what gametype and on what map you want.  It can be really annoying if you just want to play Elite Slayer or SWAT, instead of having to play Slayer Classic or Slayer DMRs every single game.  You can only choose that you want to play a Team Slayer game; you can't say, "I just want to play SWAT.  I want to go into a lobby that has only SWAT gametypes and I want to vote on which map to play on."  This is one thing from Halo 3 that is sorely, sorely missed.  One of the changes to multiplayer is the loadouts, which are 1-5 available classes with primary and secondary weapons, grenades, and armor abilities that you can choose from.  However, it can only be accessed while you're respawning, so no switching armor abilities on the fly, which is okay.  Another really nitpicky thing is that many times you find yourself respawning right next to an enemy, which gets you killed.  Really not cool, Bungie.


The only problems with Reach stem from the multiplayer, and if you don't play on multiplayer (why wouldn't you?) then you shouldn't have any problems with this game at all.  The story is Call-of-Duty-caliber, and the visuals put Modern Warfare 2 to shame.  All in all, it's a really solid game, especially the campaign, and if it isn't the kind of art that Roger Ebert likes, then, well, who cares?  Sure, he's a highly credited film critic, but what gives him the authority to say what is and what isn't art?  Art is a medium that is open to interpretation, and depending on what you say is art, then you can decide what is and isn't art.  And according to my definition of art, Halo: Reach is the Mona Lisa, the Citizen Kane, and the Beethoven's...greatest symphony he wrote of video games.